Не могу не поделиться, хохма страшная. Правда, на английском.
episode 1Edward: I want you.
Elizabeth: You can’t have me.
Jaquetta: I see dead people.
Warwick: Edward!
Edward: Let’s get married. Secretly.
Elizabeth: Cool!
Anthony: He’s lying to you.
Elizabeth: No, he’s not.
Edward: No, I’m not.
Warwick: Edward!
Elizabeth: Curtsey, scum!
episode 2Elizabeth: Edward, Warwick hates you!
Edward: No, he loves me.
Warwick: No, she’s right. I hate you now.
Isobel: Anne! I’ve just found out I’m a pawn!
Henry VI: I could be wrong, but I think I might be Jesus.
Elizabeth: I’ve just been told my father’s dead.
Audience: So have we.
Margaret Beaufort: My son will be king!
Gloucester: Hang on, I’m pretty sure I just foreshadowed that I’ll be king.
Elizabeth: I’m going to put a curse on a bunch of people.
Audience. Knock yourself out. I think we’ve lost interest.
episode 3Warwick: You’re my prisoner, Edward!
Edward: I’m your King, cousin!
Warwick: Where did he go?
Elizabeth: Off with their heads!
Edward: No, I’ve decided to forgive them.
Elizabeth: Off with their heads!
Edward: I’m your King, wife!
Isobel: I’m still a pawn.
Gloucester: Shouldn’t I be taking a ring to Mount Doom?
Margaret Beaufort: I had sex. Didn’t enjoy it.
Elizabeth: I need a son, mother.
Jaquetta: Sorted.
Welles: I’m confused.
Jaspeer Tudor: You’re confused?!
Elizabeth: I want Warwick’s ship to sink, mother.
Jaquetta: Sorted.
episode 4Elizabeth: I’m a witch! I do bad things!
Isobel: It’s all Daddy’s fault!
George: I’m not going to be king?
Warwick: No, but I can still make you rich.
George: I’m changing sides again.
Anne: Izzie! I’m a pawn, too!
Warwick: Anne, sit down. When I was six, right before I married your mother, my father said I could choose any girl in England to be my bride. Now she, of course, had no say in it but I, a six year old boy, was free do make my own decisions.
Anne: What are you saying, Daddy?
Warwick: See, now, that was what we call sarcasm, poppet. It’s a crying shame that this version of you is such a clueless bint!
Anne: Yes, Daddy. Daddy, why can’t I marry for love?
Warwick: *sigh* Because you’re a pawn.
Anne: Oh.
Herbert: Here I am, all curly hair and swirly cloak, come to take back my castle.
Margaret Beauofrt: You’ve been dead for two years!
Herbert: Silence, woman! I’ll die later, I promise.
Anne: The Bad Queen’s coming!
Margaret of Anjou: Kneel!
Warwick: I am kneeling.
Margaret of Anjou: Kneel some more!
Elizabeth Mother, let’s go do some witchy stuff.
Cecily: Backstory, backstory, backstory.
Jaquetta: Backstory. Backstory.
Cecily: My backstory’s more tragic than yours.
Jaquetta: Foreshadow, foreshadow. Backstory, infodump.
Lady Sutcliffe: Isobel, you’re a limping gazelle.
Isobel: Yes, I am.
Margaret Beaufort: Henry, have I mentioned you’re going to be king one day?
Elizabeth: Mother’s been arrested for being a witch!
Jaquetta: It’s a fair cop.
Elizabeth: Warwick’s coming! I’ll just nip down the street to sanctuary.
Anne: I’m marrying a goth. I’d rather be marrying a hobbit.
Edward Prince of Wales: A psychopathic goth! Now, just lie still and get ready for bad Lancastrian sex.
Henry Tudor: I get it now, Mother! One day, I’m going to be king.
Henry VI: Am I still Jesus?
Warwick: You’re king again. See the pretty cardboard crown?
Elizabeth: The baby’s coming.
Jaquetta: It’s a boy!